They say if you want to make God laugh, then you should tell Him your plans. I did just that, made my list of plans and checked it twice. I prayed my face off everyday, asking God to help me make them happen… then bloop, my face hit the floor!

Saturday, February 24th , I took not one, not two but THREE pregnancy tests. Once I got the results I sat in my bathroom stunned, like “God please stop playing with me!” Somehow I managed to pick my face up off the floor and walked into the kitchen, to tell James what he already knew…

Him: “You’re pregnant?!”

Me: *laughs nervously*

Him: “I knew it! You gagged when you brushed your teeth the other day and you only do that when you’re pregnant! ”

Me: “What did you dooooooo? ?”

Him: “I thought you took the Plan B?”

Me: “I did!”

Him: “Well, you didn’t take it quick enough. Oh well, Gods Plan!”

He grabbed me and hugged me; he was super excited about the news. I hugged him back but my excitement was not mutual. I felt numb! What was wrong with me? I know that there are women who would die for a baby, a healthy pregnancy or to even be pregnant. Why wasn’t I happy? Was this normal?

Admittedly, I’m human and like anyone else I can be extremely selfish. While we had talked about a 3rd baby, I wanted to wait another year at minimum. I wanted this year to be about ME and it’s not really going the way I planned. *insert temper tantrum here* I had just broken a weight loss plateau and now I have to gain baby weight again? I was just beginning to feel like I was running my kids instead of them running me and now we have to be outnumbered by tiny humans? We’re moving across the country again and I have to do it pregnant? Why now Lord? Don’t you know I won’t be working in Cali? I had so many questions. Most of which I still don’t know the answers to but I’m pretty sure it’s the samereason my Plan B failed…this little baby is part of Gods Plan!

I shared the news with my mom, she was so excited that she called me crying and screaming. We shared with his parents they were overjoyed. Shared with my dad and bonus mom and they were excited as well. However, I was still numb. For days I prayed and prayed for God to fill me with more of Him because I was getting on my own nerves but… I still was not happy about this baby.

Between weeks 7 & 8 we had our first OB appointment. We saw our little jelly bean, heard his/her heart beat and I was still in a weird stage of shock. It’s almost as if my brain wouldn’t make space for me to accept this pregnancy. I would actually mention plans that clearly didn’t coincide with me bring pregnant, then be like “oh wait…I’m pregnant.” I was becoming so overwhelmed with us beginning our transition to California that I literally didn’t have the mental capacity to take on anything else.

Around week 9 the dreaded “morning sickness” kicked in or at least it’s what I thought it was at the time. Who puked their face off the entire flight to and during our stay in the Bahamas? This girl! ??‍♀️ I started paying more attention to what I was eating and it turns out that this little baby doesn’t like gluten. No gluten, no sickness. Thank God I figured that out!

Around week 12, I began to feel my little wiggle worm move. Yup, that early! With every little flutter I felt inside of me, my heart got warmer. Each day, I’m falling more in love with this little person. I’m always randomly talking to my belly and anxiously awaiting “good morning mommy” kick. About a week ago we had a super busy day and I didn’t feel any movement all day. I can’t even explain the temporary panic that caused me to run home and down a bunch of sugar to wake him/her up. ?…it’s safe to say I’m fully on board with being a mother of 3 now!

Judge me not but it really took me about 3 months to embrace the fact that our slip up was a blessing. God chose little ol’ me, again, to be the vessel to bring another beautiful life into the world and that is something to cherish and celebrate. Beyond my own selfishness, I love being a mother and my prayer is that this little life blesses our family in ways we couldn’t have ever dreamed. If you’re wondering why I wasn’t on brirth control I’ll be sharing more about that soon. Oh and we won’t be finding out the gender until delivery, so don’t ask!

Here we are 16 weeks and counting. Has anyone else had a total gender surprise? If so, how did you shop/plan? Leave me some tips in the comments!